No matter where you fall on the political scale, you probably took some comfort last week from the fact that Donald Trump almost – not totally but almost – stopped tweeting for a few days as the nation mourned the loss of our 41st president, George Herbert Walker Bush.
What a wonderful – and well-timed – respite it was from the vitriol that normally fills the air in Washington, DC. Civility ruled the day as Democrats and Republicans honored the memory of a man who had served his country for more than seven decades.
Well, that “quiet period” is now over and President Trump’s tweeting is now once again in full throttle. Whether it’s his view of the Russia investigation, his willingness to shut down the government over border funding or his latest trade salvo with the Chinese, his thumbs are once again working overtime.
And this led me to ask myself: what if I did my job like Donald Trump? What if, like President Trump, I eschewed e-mail, never took phone calls, barely acknowledged my staff and used only Twitter to communicate?
Here’s what my typical day would look like if I was the Donald Trump of PR and digital marketing: (and please note that I don’t name any current clients as while I think they appreciate my quirky sense of humor, I am not sure they would like to be mentioned in this particular blog post):
6:21 AM – Thanks @MorningJoe for doing yet another show on politics, ignoring for the TWENTY-FIFTH consecutive time the pitch I sent you on the changing nature of the US workforce and what education players are doing to meet the demands of employers and students!!! Sad. Predictable, but still sad.
7:14 AM – Hey Fox & Friends, do you have any guests who you don’t pay to be on your show or vice versa, who don’t pay you? Every guest you have fits one of two molds. They toe the Fox party line or they have crashed the party in a pay-to-play-type scenario. NOT GOOD! This can’t last forever!
8:09 AM – I guess I will walk myself to the office now. Car service didn’t show, cabs are unpredictable, ride shares are filled with germs. Don’t even suggest Metro, it’s FILTHY!
9 AM – So I arrive and no one else is here. “That’s OK,” I think to myself, I’ll work with the TV on in the background, in case any of my clients show up as talking heads. Uh, never mind, remote doesn’t work and its batteries are missing. Gone, kaput, disappeared from face of earth!
10 AM – I wrote my blog, now how do I publish it? I am surrounded by all these specialists – SEO experts, graphic artists, video producers, webmasters, copywriters, inbound marketers – but no one can help post a blog? This is PATHETIC!!!
11 AM – First of a number of consecutive client conference calls. Don’t ask me the number? Too many, but all I can say is that people want to hire us because in the GREATEST ECONOMY IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY, they naturally want the GREATEST PR AND DIGITAL MARKETING FIRM IN THE HISTORY OF SUCH FIRMS. If life is good, you want to make it better. That’s human nature, which I understand better than anybody. Thank you. And you’re welcome!
3:45 PM – I snuck out and played nine holes of golf, but don’t tell anybody. It was “business development.” I’d write it off on my taxes, but why bother? I won by five strokes, which I feel good about because I only cheated three times, so likely saved only three shots. Do the math. I won!! I won fair and square because, even if I didn’t cheat, my score would have two shots better than Bozo. I didn’t actually play Bozo, but that’s what I call my VP, who always agrees to play golf when everybody else cancels. My VP KNOWS THE SCORE!
5:15 PM – Happy hour started a few minutes ago but I don’t drink. Can you imagine if I did what a mess I would be? Pretty soon the rest of the team will say they “have to leave to catch their train.” Yeah, right, I’m that naïve. PUHLEEEEEASE!
6:30 PM – I just realized that I haven’t said hello, or goodbye, or anything really, to my family in about six months. Helloooooooooo! It’s not like they don’t know where to find me. Just google: best PR and digital marketing firm in the world, bar none, exclamation point! If that doesn’t work, try it in ALL CAPS!
7:20 PM – Thirteen hours of tweeting, but I still have energy. I AM A VERY HIGH ENERGY PERSON! Clients know that, the media knows that, potential partner agencies know that, everybody knows it! That’s why I tweet, so they can feel as if they are talking to me, benefiting from my guidance, receiving important deliverables, all right in the palm of their hand.
OK back to my own persona now. All of the above was pretend, in the spirit of holiday fun. Learn more about what we can really do for you by visiting www.boylepublicaffairs.com